Adventure Averse
I am a creature of habit. I've had the same job since I graduated from grad school. I've lived in the same neighborhood since I moved to Brooklyn. I have three favorite brunch spots, two favorite happy hour spots, four favorite coffee shops, and I happily rotate between them when I need variety. I like my bubble, and it takes a lot of convincing to step out of it.
I've struggled with anxiety my entire life. When I was 17, my cousin Sara took me to Ireland as a graduation gift. I was basically miserable the entire time. It was my first time so far from home, and I hadn't really taken into account just how stressful that would be for me - not to mention the fact that I was leaving for college just a few weeks after we got back. But to me, Sara was fearless. She had no problem driving on crazy country roads, hiking up rocky cliffs, or dangling down an ancient castle with only an equally-ancient man to support you (y'all, the Blarney Stone is terrifying). This trip was really hard on my relationship with Sara, and the older I get the more I understand why. What an ungrateful brat I must've been, to spend so much energy in this beautiful place focusing on how uncomfortable I was rather than enjoying this wonderful gift she had given me.
One of my major goals over the last couple of years has been to be more vocal about my anxiety, not only to support those who are dealing with what I've dealt with, but also to advocate for myself and educate the people I'm closest to. Part of that was talking about my adventure aversion with Sara, and going through why our trip, over a decade ago, was so darn hard for me.
Then Sara said something that shocked me. She felt a lot of anxiety too. My fearless adventurer cousin... felt fear.
One example that really stuck with me: she told me about her lifelong fear of snakes, and how it motivated her to become such an outdoorsman. Facing her fear of snakes was the reason she hiked and camped, and the more she did it, the less fear and more gratitude she felt. Turns out, you can be afraid of nature and also love it - who knew?
When Sara's friend Christy passed away, she started a 50 for 50, checking things off her to-do list for the sake of experiencing life, trying new things, and honoring her beloved friend. Sara and I talked extensively about this, and she suggested I try a 30 for 30 for similar reasons. I loved everything she said - push your boundaries, try new things, appreciate this world we have. I started a list, but I never really put too much though into it. I kept it in the back of mind and just sort of continued through life, trying to push myself where I could, but lacking dedication to it.
So when Sara passed away a month before her 50th birthday, completing my 30 for 30 became my coping strategy. By pushing my boundaries, stepping out of my comfort zone, and celebrating life, I can honor so much of what I love and admire about Sara.
Part of Sara's 50 for 50 was sharing her accomplishments with the world by writing about checking things off of her list. So in honor of Sara, in honor of facing your fears, in honor of getting over my adventure aversion, I started this blog to catalog my 30 for 30.
I'm looking forward to checking off my list with y'all. Thanks for sharing this adventure with me.
I've struggled with anxiety my entire life. When I was 17, my cousin Sara took me to Ireland as a graduation gift. I was basically miserable the entire time. It was my first time so far from home, and I hadn't really taken into account just how stressful that would be for me - not to mention the fact that I was leaving for college just a few weeks after we got back. But to me, Sara was fearless. She had no problem driving on crazy country roads, hiking up rocky cliffs, or dangling down an ancient castle with only an equally-ancient man to support you (y'all, the Blarney Stone is terrifying). This trip was really hard on my relationship with Sara, and the older I get the more I understand why. What an ungrateful brat I must've been, to spend so much energy in this beautiful place focusing on how uncomfortable I was rather than enjoying this wonderful gift she had given me.
One of my major goals over the last couple of years has been to be more vocal about my anxiety, not only to support those who are dealing with what I've dealt with, but also to advocate for myself and educate the people I'm closest to. Part of that was talking about my adventure aversion with Sara, and going through why our trip, over a decade ago, was so darn hard for me.
Then Sara said something that shocked me. She felt a lot of anxiety too. My fearless adventurer cousin... felt fear.
One example that really stuck with me: she told me about her lifelong fear of snakes, and how it motivated her to become such an outdoorsman. Facing her fear of snakes was the reason she hiked and camped, and the more she did it, the less fear and more gratitude she felt. Turns out, you can be afraid of nature and also love it - who knew?
When Sara's friend Christy passed away, she started a 50 for 50, checking things off her to-do list for the sake of experiencing life, trying new things, and honoring her beloved friend. Sara and I talked extensively about this, and she suggested I try a 30 for 30 for similar reasons. I loved everything she said - push your boundaries, try new things, appreciate this world we have. I started a list, but I never really put too much though into it. I kept it in the back of mind and just sort of continued through life, trying to push myself where I could, but lacking dedication to it.
So when Sara passed away a month before her 50th birthday, completing my 30 for 30 became my coping strategy. By pushing my boundaries, stepping out of my comfort zone, and celebrating life, I can honor so much of what I love and admire about Sara.
Part of Sara's 50 for 50 was sharing her accomplishments with the world by writing about checking things off of her list. So in honor of Sara, in honor of facing your fears, in honor of getting over my adventure aversion, I started this blog to catalog my 30 for 30.
I'm looking forward to checking off my list with y'all. Thanks for sharing this adventure with me.
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